Pausing, or “to pause” as defined in the english dictionary is: 1) to stop doing something briefly before continuing 2) a brief moment of hesitation or uncertainty before something happens or is done…this is EXACTLY what I am doing. I’m pushing the pause button on everything in my life: my career, my household duties, my adult obligations (whatever the heck those are), my time with my husband and doggy, my paper designs, my hair and beauty maintenance (okay, so I’m still gonna shave my legs…maybe), my constant feelings of guilt around not working out enough, or eating well enough, or being available enough to those I love, and my constant and overwhelming thoughts of “what’s next?” Yep, that’s right…it’s all on pause.
I left yesterday morning (okay, so I think it was yesterday – boy does jet lag really make for a fuzzy brain) with my 38 lb pack, and “heavier than it looks” teeny backpack strapped to my body, for a 2+ month trek around Europe. Flying from Seattle to New York, New York to London, then taking a train from London to Bath, followed by a taxi ride to the most adorable B&B I have EVER laid my eyes on, I arrived at my first stop. The pause is official. I’m in Europe with only one intent: to pause.
This pause is incredibly intentional for a few reasons: 1) for those of you who know me I struggle with letting the little things in, instead always looking towards what is coming next – I wanna take a moment to smell ALL of the roses 2) the anxiety, fear, apprehension, sadness, and numbness I feel around the loss of my job is something I wanna work through and move past as quickly as possible 3) an extended stay in Europe is a total dream of mine, and gosh dangit I’m doing it! 4) I want to believe that reflection, and the simple act of breathing lends to a more open heart and mind for future endeavors.
So, to make a long story short, my traditional blog postings are taking a momentary hiatus. Instead I will post about things I experience along the way. Sights, sounds, smells, paper bits, exciting findings, my personal discoveries, hopefully wedding stuff, and god knows what else. I’ll do my best to include pictures and such, with the only real intent to capture this moment in my life…this sweet and blissful pause.
The adorable treasure box of teas, hot chocolate, and coffee mixings near my bedside at the B&B. The perfect assortment of warm drinks that encourage all of us to take that breath in and say “ahhhh….”